The Church of Kelso

theholyprepuce:

Calcata - The last home of the Holy Foreskin of Jesus
In 1557 the Holy Prepuce was discovered in Calcata, a clifftop medieval village about 30 miles north of Rome. The relic had been hidden there by an imprisoned German soldier after the sack of Rome in 1527.
The Holy Prepuce of Calcata was officially venerated by the Catholic Church, with the Vatican’s offering to forgive 10 years worth of sins for pilgrims who went to pray to the Holy Foreskin of Jesus. Nuns and monks from nearby villages and monasteries made candlelit processions. Calcata became the must-see destination on the pilgrimage map, and for centuries, lines of pilgrims stretched from the church doors to beyond the walls of the fortress town.
All was well until 1856, when the abbey of Charroux in France claimed that a workman repairing the abbey had found a reliquary containing their missing Holy Foreskin hidden inside a wall. This set off a fierce theological clash that was solved in 1900 by the pope decreeing that henceforth, anyone who wrote about or even spoke about the Holy Prepuce would be excommunicated.
54 years later, when a monk wanted to include Calcata in a pilgrimage tour guide, Vatican officials didn’t just reject the proposal ,they upped the punishment: now, anyone uttering its name would face the harshest form of excommunication, vitandus excommunicate (infamous and to be avoided). They did however conclude that Calcata’s holy foreskin was more legitimate than other claimants.
In Calcata the Holy Prepuce continued to be displayed in an annual procession on the Day of the Holy Circumcision (1st January) until it was reportedly stolen in 1983. Some suggest it ended up on the relics black market; some even suggest Satanists or neo-Nazis are responsible. Most however suspect the Vatican as the likely culprit since the 20th-century church had begun to feel a bit bashful about its flock fawning over the 2,000-year-old tip of the redeemer’s manhood. No one is speaking, citing the 1954 threat of excommunication.
The New York Times described Calcata as what “may be the grooviest village in Italy, home to a wacky community of about 100 artists, bohemians, aging hippies and New Age types.” They arrived in the 1960’s to squat in the then-empty town after the government evacuated it, thinking that it may collapse during an earthquake.

theholyprepuce:

Calcata - The last home of the Holy Foreskin of Jesus

In 1557 the Holy Prepuce was discovered in Calcata, a clifftop medieval village about 30 miles north of Rome. The relic had been hidden there by an imprisoned German soldier after the sack of Rome in 1527.

The Holy Prepuce of Calcata was officially venerated by the Catholic Church, with the Vatican’s offering to forgive 10 years worth of sins for pilgrims who went to pray to the Holy Foreskin of Jesus. Nuns and monks from nearby villages and monasteries made candlelit processions. Calcata became the must-see destination on the pilgrimage map, and for centuries, lines of pilgrims stretched from the church doors to beyond the walls of the fortress town.

All was well until 1856, when the abbey of Charroux in France claimed that a workman repairing the abbey had found a reliquary containing their missing Holy Foreskin hidden inside a wall. This set off a fierce theological clash that was solved in 1900 by the pope decreeing that henceforth, anyone who wrote about or even spoke about the Holy Prepuce would be excommunicated.

54 years later, when a monk wanted to include Calcata in a pilgrimage tour guide, Vatican officials didn’t just reject the proposal ,they upped the punishment: now, anyone uttering its name would face the harshest form of excommunication, vitandus excommunicate (infamous and to be avoided). They did however conclude that Calcata’s holy foreskin was more legitimate than other claimants.

In Calcata the Holy Prepuce continued to be displayed in an annual procession on the Day of the Holy Circumcision (1st January) until it was reportedly stolen in 1983. Some suggest it ended up on the relics black market; some even suggest Satanists or neo-Nazis are responsible. Most however suspect the Vatican as the likely culprit since the 20th-century church had begun to feel a bit bashful about its flock fawning over the 2,000-year-old tip of the redeemer’s manhood. No one is speaking, citing the 1954 threat of excommunication.

The New York Times described Calcata as what “may be the grooviest village in Italy, home to a wacky community of about 100 artists, bohemians, aging hippies and New Age types.” They arrived in the 1960’s to squat in the then-empty town after the government evacuated it, thinking that it may collapse during an earthquake.

(Source: )

nymphetamineoverdose:

Miss this.

nymphetamineoverdose:

Miss this.

(Source: messiah-bolical)

(Source: letsgetfolkedup)

Mormon families to this day practice polygamy and are persecuted for it.

They want to be able to legally marry more than one wife because it’s out of love.

However, though this seems similar to the problems of glbtqia people, they continue to persecute gay marriage.

(Source: opheliasblood)

So, your telling me we’re going to be seeing Catholic commercials AND Mormon commercials now???

an-anthem-to-ambivalence:

This is why we can’t have nice things, America…

Science adjusts its views based on what’s observed. Faith is the denial of observation, so that belief can be preserved.

Tim Minchin

Jeff: Have I ever mentioned a guy named Mitch before?
Me: not sure.
Jeff: Mitch was a good man
Jeff: One day Mitch turned on us, so we started calling him Mitch the Bitch
Jeff: Then he got two of our friends married, so we called him Mitch the Hitch
Jeff: He exploited bugs in video games, so we called him Mitch the Glitch.
Jeff: He ratted me out, so we called him Mitch the Snitch.
Jeff: He was obsessed with Lilo and Stitch, so we called him Mitch the Stitch.
Jeff: He killed a girl and buried her near his house, so we called him Mitch the Ditch.
Jeff: He went as this for Halloween, so we called him Mitch the Witch.
Jeff: He makes up words in scrabble, so we called him Mitch the Kwitch
Jeff: He has tremors, so we call him Mitch the Twitch
Jeff: He used to be a pitcher in a baseball team, so we called him Mitch the Pitch
Jeff: He gained money from a get-rich quick scheme, so we called him Mitch the Rich
Jeff: He had a twin brother, and they both had girlfriends, and liked to confuse them by posing as the other, so we called him Mitch the Switch
Jeff: He got herpes from fucking a girl, so we called him Mitch the Itch
Jeff: Then he turned Mormon so we don't call him anymore.
Jeff: The end.
Me: what the fuck did you just do to my mind.

Trolling Mormons is funnier than I thought it would be.

see more The Art of Trolling

What do you guys think?

I’m 18 years old and was baptized 9 months ago..

Been thinking about gettin my patriarchal blessing soon, but I don’t know.. I feel like maybe it would be smarter to wait, I feel like there are so many things I could be doing, or not doing to become a better member.
Lately my testimony has gotten weeker, and I’m becoming lazier when it comes to church related things.. maybe getting my blessing now would incourage me to do better? I dont know.. please help ! haha

It’s a trap!